the dark side


[warning:i am sorry if this post seems bleak.]

hmmm.. one can look at the beauty in life, and feel so profoundly moved.. but..
this is not the case when it comes to exploring the depths of the mind.. for whatever reasons the mind just doesn't feel the same things..

sadness. bleakness. dejection. listlessness.

this is not a product of my crazy mind getting into the 'despondency mode'. its something that i've long believed in.
if one does not realize how unhappy one can get, one can never really become happy.
make sense ?

its something that i've skimmed over in past blogs.. and something that people who've read don't really like.
but then no-one ever likes seeing the deepest, darkest feelings reflected in black and white in front of them.
not even i.
then why ?

catharsis. to get it out of the system.
these feelings can only be understood when one feels completely alone in the world. when one decides to stop running from it all.
when one decides to stop running from oneself.

there was a comment on a previous blog that referred to 'happiness as being the lack of sadness'. its a very valid point. but i still stick with mine.
take a simple example.
as a kid we've had fun. or at least i think we all classify those days as fun.
but did you call it fun then?

and now, now that you know what life can be, what deals life can give you; you call them fun.
it's a very simple thing, i've referred to it earlier as well, though.
i'm trying to delve my mind.. exorcise the sadness by facing it. exorcise the fear that i've had.
but will they ever go away ?

anxiety. for the people you are not with. for those you love.
sadness. of distance. from those you love.

fear. of failure. of not living up to the expectations of those who matter most.
worry. of whether what one has done is right or wrong.
despondency. when you could have done something. but didn't.
cowardice. when it comes to the life of your dearest ones.
terror. of death. of the ones near and dear.
and so many many more… ones i cannot face for the dread that they will come true if i imagine them.

do these ever go away ? do these ever stop plaguing the mind ? can they stop bothering the human in us ?
will they stop tormenting us during the night ? when one cannot sleep..
when one suffocates – even in the fresh air.
when one wants to curl up into a ball and cry one's heart out.
but can't.

the tears don't come.

people have come up with many solutions for these. prayer. religion. thankfulness. celebrations.
but do they really help ?

i really do not know at this point. i can but hope. and wonder.

and wish that the answer will come. and work.



5 thoughts on “the dark side

  1. Rene

    Both are true. In some ways, happiness is the absence of sadness, but you can’t understand happiness unless you know sadness. You can’t have the good without the bad because it’s relative. In some ways, God has to have Satan and vice versa, and at the same time, if someone has enjoyed the presence of God, it’s the lack of God’s presence that makes them sad.

    Circular logic. It’s great. 🙂

  2. cleolove

    Do they ever go away? No.
    Do you ever stopped being plagued by them? YES!

    I can only speak to what I did .. but once I discovered the true source of those fears, those things that were keeping me from being happy, those things that plagued my mind, it was a magical moment, for I could not see the true cause without seeing the true cure. I was transformed in the awareness.

    No prayer, no path to enlightenment, no therapy could provide me the relief that I achieved in my full understanding of the nature of the interconnectivity of thought/feeling. That I create my own feelings with my thoughts. And that I can change my thoughts.

    Does that mean I never worry, fear, or long for that which I can’t have? No, but when I do feel this way, it doesn’t take me long to find my way out of it, because I can follow the feeling back to the thought that caused it.

    and I live in a little place I like to call Bliss. Fully aware of the horrors and pain, the darkness, and the struggles. I am still Happy.

    I started by just listening to my thoughts. Identifying what my experiences were making me believe. It has been an amazing journey since .. one that never ceases to amaze me.


  3. Rene

    thanks for posting in my blog 🙂

    “people have come up with many solutions for these. prayer. religion. thankfulness. celebrations.
    but do they really help ?”

    IMHO these things are counterproductive to what youre trying to achieve.. the only way to ‘exorcise’ fears from your mind is to bring them to light.. instead people have used these things youve mentioned so they can live in denial and push the fears even further down into the dark..

    (note: im not against prayer, thankfulness or celebrations.. not at all. although I am against ‘religion’ when it is something you do out of habit and because youre ‘supposed to’)

    another thing: you have to have True Light. ever notice how things look different under.. say flourescent lights as opposed to the daylight? true light = Truth. Truth = a statement of Reality.

    Some fears are legitimate.. and should be taken seriously. For example, I have a fear of destructive behaviors and I try to avoid them.. I also have a fear (which in fact is reverance and not the shaking kind of fear ~ although some people ought to have that) of an Holy God. We should have these kinds of fears.

    But I would say the majority of our fears are not needed.. and in the Light of Reality, we can see that.

    When we learn Truth, we can dispel all the myths that plague us.

    hope you dont mind my babbling.. thanks for the discussion.

  4. Bubba

    Hey sev. I have to agree with the other commentors. Face your emotions. Find thier cause. Get them out. My rule in my marriage and in life is “if you think it say it”, but do it with tact. Tact will come like everything else with mistakes. But keep writing here and I’ll keep reading. Make mistakes and learn.

  5. Ashish

    truth u say man………and the truth is never sweet , never nice…….it is harsh, cuts deep and takes ur greatest fears and puts them in front of u…….then it is u who can either stand up or shit away…..I decided to stand up and face them………If they won or did I prevail? I dont know……….and i think u did the same too………….kudos man…….we in this together…till we can…

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