hmmm…the letting out of all one's fears, certainly has one advantage: that of letting them out of one's heart.
and so, peace.
temporal. but peace.
and i will take advantage of this. to comment on something that i noted on the way here.
it was a bright morning, and i was walking past the local park.
what did i see ?
a father with his child. beauty.
it was nothing that we would notice normally. the man was teaching his son basketball.
the son was probably three feet too short.
but that was not the point.
i stayed a minute and watched. the guy was actually treating his son like a pro. and playing with that manner that we adopt when it's someone much smaller, much younger than us.
then came the point at which a basket had to be shot by the boy. his attempt barely cleared his own head.
the solution ?
his father lifted him high up – over his own – voila! the boy was shooting a basket.
it was not a successful attempt though.
the dad went next. not successful either.
but i was looking at the son. he was rooting for his father. and observing with wonderment the pose adopted. and the method chosen to shoot.
i recalled a line from 'road to perdition' – 'every man is a hero to his own son.'
that boy may not remember what happened today morning. but two people will not forget.
his father. and myself.
because at that moment at that moment i remembered mine.
and all the times we've had together. the discussions. the fights. the sessions of advice. of working together. the sharing of our common sense of droll humour.
and i reflected that i've hugged him so little for all that he's given me. in so many many ways. for all the time we've spent together;
[i can remember only the feel of his tummy against my chin. i used that as a pillow all the time 😉 ]
i could not cry. but i understood what they meant when they say 'my heart is heavy'. because mine seemed to weigh a ton.
you see, when you remember the love of anyone; you generally remember all the love that you've received in your life. at least that's what happens with me.
and i remembered..
the love between me and my closest friends.
the love between me and my family. my sister. my mother. my father.
the love between me and my relatives. my relatives. my cousins. my grandparents.
and so many more loves – one right now between me and you, dear reader.
and the good times that we've had. the fun we've had.
and the fun we will have, hopefully. if and when i see them again.
one should never count one's blessings. i didn't.
i can't. too many.
my peace remains.