hmmm.. its been a interesting week for me. for various reasons i underwent some mood swings.. some random flashes of thinking.. and one realization.
that still has me a little staggered.
and all this was triggered by some mood shifts, that went from crazy to completely inane.
but then, aren't we all ?
we'll start at the point when my mind went for a toss, as i tried to wrestle some of my emotions to manageable levels. i will note, that i didn't try to stop them from happening, merely from ruling my mind.
i was conscious of everything that was happening to me, i could feel sadness, bittersweet tastes in my mouth when remembering, passion, happiness.. you name it, and i felt it all hurtling through my consciousness.
i was feeling the emotions, and then suddenly realized.
i was conscious that i was feeling.
of what i was feeling. when i was feeling it. when one emotion was replaced with another. the switching of my mind from one track to another.
it was like i was not me. i was not inside myself. i was outside, a neutral observer, watching a patient, while knowing what was going on in his mind. it was all happening to another person, and i was watching.
watching meant that i couldn't do anything. i had to let the process run its course, to allow it to reach a final conclusion.
was i actually thinking independently of feelings ?
thought without emotion.
the ultimate intellectual exercise, when you divorce mind and heart, and purely, abstractly think.
its like performing an experiment on another personality, giving various stimuli and simply, purely observing the effects of each one. understand how your mind thinks given one set of ideas and circumstances. and how it might think under a different situation.
while i did not actually go to the extent of completely dichotomizing two such trains of thought, and analyzing different things at the same time, the sheer idea of it staggered me. and this is also something that has started happening when i simply allow my mind to drift through the many thoughts that keep occurring.
a note i make here, again, is that this may also be seen as me individuating between different thoughts that are crossing my mind at a given time. after all, all emotion can also be thought of as the effect of various thoughts that occur to us at a time. hence completely unrelated thoughts can awaken different effects in us, which may be unexpected.
there is a school of thought that says that all emotion is simply a contamination of the thought process. i am not trying to say that emotion is bad, or that when we think & analyze we should not be feeling anything about it.
it biases the way we think. it can shape the way that your mind will work. the results, the solutions you arrive at, are bound to be affected by the way that you feel about something. regardless of what
excuses explanations we come up with, this is bound to happen.
and therefore, there is yet another school that says that we must always feel when we think. that without emotion, man becomes machine. and hence, emotion is an integral part of the process, and thus has to be considered when we are analyzing or solving something.
this is not a debate on which one is right. or even an analysis of which one i belong to. this is just a tertiary note that i am making.
crazy ? cool ? i really don't know.
i do know that some things will be explored.