realization ?


in all pain we find truth,
in all darkness we find peace,
in ourselves we find nothing..

since my realization i have found ideas in the most mundane of events in the world.
but then, the world cannot afford to allow realization to an extent where it is actually close to being comprehensible.

so, it’s gone for a toss again.

i know it seems to be a pattern, or it may feel like i am looking for sympathy when i am confused; or maybe that i seem to want to have everything explained to me.
to those who believe this, fuck off.

you know another matters to you, when you realize the connection you have with them. as i said before, the connection virtually vibrates in harmony. vibrations you feel within. but you can only feel them when you realize that being disparate within and yet a whole is a fact of life.
as it is with all life.

a connection thus established can never be lost. it may go dormant, it may sleep, it may not resonate with the same frequency; but it does not break. even in death.
that may seem mad, and completely unreasonable. but it is a belief i have.
and one i hope to find to be true.

how to make another understand their importance to you was a question i asked earlier. a side effect of not understanding how you are connected to the people around you is that you never know how you affect another by your simple presence.
the answer came as well: there is no way.

bashing oneself over it is no use. racking the brains for an answer that is not there is simply illogical. the connection will have to be understood for what it is at both ends for it to be fully realized.

i am there is a part of me back in a place where sense has no meaning. where questions that were waiting in line to be answered, have decided to forgo discipline. too many issues at least partially addressed are coming back with a vengeance.

the world is not too great right now.
a single question dominates there:
why was i shown what is possible, only to have it taken away ?
is that the way all life is ?
if so, then what’s the use ?

within, where i would find strength, where i have in the past, there remains nothing. all the theories, all the explanations seem hollow; all my ideas seem to have no meaning now.
thinking about crap that doesn’t make an iota of difference to the planet, has apparently been a great past-time for me..
the “change” we experience, then, is no change at all.
nothing changes, nothing remains the same.

its just a quagmire, and for some goddamn reason i must keep trying to float.

what’s the use ? why the hell should i ?

the other fragment of me, however, tells me that some things are inevitable. all realization involves loss, and i have to realize that some things are never lost. that it is only in darkness that we can find light. that the “nothing” i seem to perceive within me is actually just a void waiting for something to filled. which will come in its own time.

give up or go on ?

in nothing we find…

there will be no comments allowed, this is too personal.
if you have something you think i should know, mail me.