that about sums up my current mood, really.
actually what i should do is put one of those annoying ‘mood indicators‘ that so many blogs seem to think the ‘most amazing thing ever !!!!!’ and before you ask.. this post is not written after going over some traffic exchange program.. i stopped going to those over a year ago.
yes, i know there are links alongside, those are free to have on a site. you really don’t have to click them if you don’t want to.. you know. you don’t even have to look there actually. stop it. stop it.
i’m apparently not in the mood to write. or work. or watch movies (though the latter is probably because i just watched one). which one ? like you really care. if you really must know.. an average comedy called ‘the 40-year old virgin’. not too bad really.
didn’t do anything for my mood anyway.
its a little scary though. this lack of ‘mood’. its almost like a lack of motivation to accomplish anything. feels like the start of the slide into monotony. almost as if i have lost the ability of think, for inception of original thought, for realization of a goal.
one could put it down to upheavals that my life has seen. but i know i’ve been through worse. and they have never affected me thus. a more fundamental belief system is under attack here, one that has brought me through some tough times. one that was formed during those times.
and i couldn’t care less that its all going for a toss.
acceptance doesn’t seem right, but i am. screwing around with goals that could shape my future shouldn’t be done, but they needn’t exist as far as i am concerned. sitting around killing time in the bargain feels like the murder – the wanton destruction of constructive thought processes.
talking like this isn’t nice, but i’m doing it anyway. its not going to help, its going to make a lot of people very worried, but in about 30 seconds i’m going to click ‘publish’, go back to doing nothing. and, of course, meet anxious enquiries with a stoic silence.
get used to it.