reality check


in all of one’s considerations about reality, you can’t really quantify it.
try as i might not to sound like a pedantic professor, this still ends up that way. damn.

love. hope. death. life. sadness. happiness. anger.
i can continue assigning words to the different feelings we have, because that is all we ever do – assign words to terms we barely understand in the first place. we barely even feel them if anything any more. when we do, we run. we hide. fact.

i barely emote anyway. more than one person talks of an “impassive face”. true, my actions betray emotion at times – usually extreme times – if anything. they seem more like flashes of lightening on a darkened consciousness. melancholy is way of life, rather than a phase of life. i choose to have it this way.
get ready for the questions…

everything is abstract from one point of view. they are just events in our current awarenes, we can choose to react to them. or, we have to understand just what the fuck is happening to us, around us, about us. they themselves could be said to happen when someone else reacts to such events.
there must an inception point for such things however. we cannot be said to randomly react to things about us. we have to have stimuli.

it is once again a circular path. possibly solved by distancing oneself from the “problem”. note here the usage of the word ‘problem’ to describe such things. natural instinct is to consider them alien to us, something that must be corrected. apparently, purely emotionless thinking is considered ideal by our brain as a basic instinct.

as a purely emotionless judgement, such events could be considered as variables in an equation. somehow, somewhere, we seem to miss that variables have to be eventually solved. we have to understand the nature of such things.

can we ? no.
we refuse to.

nothing i have said here so far is new in terms of content. it may not be meant to be. but then nothing new is occurring for me to provide inception in terms of content.

maybe its the view that is wrong. maybe these feelings are just variables in an equation. mere characters, with no more meaning than just to create breaks in the pure flow of logic. our trying to balance it out leads to causation of reaction.
damn i like sounding like that ‘architect’ guy…

why am i running in a race that is not even started ? its all circular, an unending litany of repeated questions; which always comes up with more questions. which are in turn just repititions of pre-existing questions. finally the mish-mash chaotically whirls around the mind before one crashes.. and tries to forget what one was thinking about.

there is no beginning and end. these are just reference points for us to be able to define reality. there is only the continuous change, the never-ending series of events that we try to define for ourselves. not understand, define. something that completely lacks any form of definition.
we follow irrelevant rules, reach erroneous conclusions, that lack any semblance of relation to the real thing; and finally look for other problems.

like this wasn’t enough.

somewhere in all this, are the seeds of ‘the matrix: revolutions’


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