thinking. or the lack thereof.

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either nothing at all happens. or so much happens that i can’t even talk.

or things happen that stun me to the point i’m just unable to talk.

i’m a little worried about what is happening to my brain. either i’m losing the ability to emote; or at some point of time, i’m going to lose it. big time. ouch.

there was a point of time when i commented that i was able to freeze on every thought and follow it to its logical conclusion. analyze, realize and so on. but somehow thats not happening anymore. the constant avalanche means that i have to actually note things down when they come to me.. or i lose the thought.

i wonder how many inspirations have been lost because the thinker has simply not written them down. i know that half the time i try to make a “mental note”.. which as a general peice of information does not exist. it serves as a reminder when you see that someone else has also come up with the idea much later.

speaking on general notions, i’ve come to realise that hypocrisy is inherent to human nature. we comment, condemn, judge… but none of the above apply to us. we sometimes even believe.. but ignore the belief when it suits us. unfortunate but true. survival and lack of hypocrisy cannot co-exist.
there is no reason for me to say this, its just something thats in my head right now.

regret and hindsight are commonplace. we can ignore the conclusions to try and make ourselves feel better, but this only means they come to haunt us even more. our minds analyzing capabilities can only be suppressed for so long. any activity we indulge in eventually become monotonous to the brain.. and so redundant activities will be indulged in. thinking and re-thinking.

i’m realising a lot of the things i indulge in are simply to divert my mind.. so that i don’t do this. my form of hindsight usually involves major problems in self-belief.. something i am trying to avoid. yes, i know this is not a solution.

and reality sucks. no matter what.

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