every child grows up in the wonder years. the times we spend playing, laughing, crying, learning, having fun are times we remember for the rest of our lives. and there are some things that you believe are possible, some things that you cannot even imagine.. some things that you wonder about every night while you lie in your bed. the possibilities, the future, what will happen next.. the ceiling dances with the realities that you could face.
who is to say that the people you know today will be there in 2 years ? 6 months even ? even a day can last a lifetime, and some days seem to last forever… i know that during lectures even an hour can seem interminable. and yet, as i grow up, “mature”, learn more about life… it seems a little too short for what may be.
we all make plans. we have dreams, we try to follow them. we think of life as a playground where we play at being so many things.
i’m 23 today, and i cannot think where i will be in my life in a year. or for that matter what it might be in 2 months. 5 years seems an eternity, 10 a lifetime. and yet, i look “back” at my 10th grade, my college life in a rosy lens. it seems to be disappearing into the mists even as i think about it. and its barely been even 2 years since i gave my exams for obtaining my degree.
why is it that wonder, that amazement of life only exists when we are kids ? when we feel that every day is an adventure.. i remember the discovery of a new route to my playground was something to gloat on everyday. now, the shortest route anywhere barely seems short enough. and i know that in a few months, i will look back at the time i’ve spent in aberdeen as truly memorable, even as right now, i feel that time barely passes fast enough. ironic ?
then we grow old.. and we go back.. and wonder why we didn’t cherish those golden moments even more. even more ironic…
at some point during this time, we meet people special to us. some become friends, some become “sweethearts” so to speak. some we tell how important they are, some we never find the courage to. and some point, we even “fall in love”. some love stories are realized, some are lost in time, and others never really take off. and yet, we still believe that somewhere somehow we will find the person…
the real wonder is the way i treat every moment i have. some are apparently amazing, others unforgettable, and so many just normal. and there will come a time when i don’t have the time to count the moments i have left.
one makes decisions, maybe to reverse them, even forget them later. one forms beliefs, to question them eventually. one dreams, and dreams of realization until we “wake-up” to reality. something doesn’t seem right in any of these equations.
today my life consists of movies, music, the passing of time, and planning. and i know, that such times may never come again. and yet, this time will probably be more memorable to me than any other, for the sheer relaxation and savouring of the “moments”. when will i next sit around a table and aimlessly talk with my current friends ? when wil i just sit around with 4 guys while we all chaff each other ? will i ever spend the time i do now wandering the internet? chatting with friends on IM? blogging? thinking? living?
i smile to think of times past, i feel sad to think that times now are going away, and i wonder about the future. that dark space seems as dark as it was when i was a kid and scared of going to my new school. as dark as it was when i didn’t know if i would ever fit into my college. when i wondered if girls think i’m cute. if people think i’m dumb. when i don’t know what will happen next.
i think that some things won’t change. my family. my friends. my ideas. but i don’t know this. i can but wonder.
some things never come back. and the wonder years never really go away.