confusion, confusion..

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ever since i read marie’s post, i keep going back to why i’m doing this. why am i blogging ? to be absolutely straight about it, this space is nowhere close to what it started out to be.

that it was started due to a few too many free evenings in college; and some inclination towards understanding the basics of web-design might be taken into consideration.

if this was free, then the decision is simple. if it was dirt-cheap; figuring the problem wouldn’t reallly be that much of a problem. its not. neither of the two apply.

can i really analyze this here ? why the hell not ?

i shifted to paid hosting because i wanted my own domain. i wanted to go the next step in webspace evolution. tomorrow will mark one year in the life of this domain. from the looks of it; i’m here for another year. this debate is essentially moot. over the last one year; i’ve seen the advantage of having webspace. its cool. its useful. its happening.

so, i keep the webspace.

now; what do i do with it ?

this blog is nothing like what i started it out like. neither am i.
amazing, wonderful, unique concepts would come to me (lets call them so for the sake of argument)… and i would extoll explanations that made sense to me. i figured out things that had been bothering me for years. then i made it more blog-like. a journal of sorts; but not the type that you regularly write in.

but i keep writing. i like writing. and some of it still makes sense. but i get the feeling my creative streak has been killed.

neither am i cataloguing my life in a way that others are able to. being really honest and all that. inherent character flaw prevents me from doing that. so i’m maintaining a blog, that is as expected, nothing like other blogs. as a blog cannot have definition.

its been good to me though. made friends i couldn’t have otherwise. met some really smart people; some really caring people; and renewed other friendships. discovered a voice inside me that i couldn’t have easily done in such public scrutiny. figured some principles of web development. found some amazing writers who still inspire me.

i don’t always have the inclination to write. i assume that people read what i write; and i try not to make  that the primary consideration. all good.

final point ? there really isn’t any. i’m finding it increasingly difficult to find things to talk about here. x365 does not count; but incidentally, that too is not easy. a noticeable lack of promptness in them might be noticed by people who notice such things.

can i still find things for staying.cool ?
good question.

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2 thoughts on “confusion, confusion..

  1. Hehehe…thought u would see this point in some time…but the thing is that a space on the web is needed…a journal is well…useful…but with everything that it gives…its really a question of how much resources are u willing to devote to that? Resources would include everything…time, money, thought, enthusiasm etc etc… Thats really what the question is…isnt’t it ?

  2. I think it’s really a matter of whether you still have anything to say and where you want to put it out there. I mean, do you feel as though you need to post to amuse people or to keep them interested?

    I did an experiment last night. I sat in front of the computer, opened up the screen for a new entry and began to type. I found myself editing, censoring and second-guessing myself, so I knew that I wasn’t ready to come back. I turned the monitor off and went to bed, instead.

    Try it.

    I do miss blogging and I do miss knowing that people read what I have to say, but I don’t miss the feeling of, well, feeling as though I’m disappointing someone or another by talking about something that they just don’t care to read.

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