somebody kill kunal kohli


why ? you really don’t want me to start.

i will anyway.

what does the average person do when given a gem of an idea for a movie script ? make it into a decent movie ?

but if you are kunal kohli, i’m sorry, thats not possible.

picture this. a man on the run sees a light in the distance. running, bleeding, he lands on the doorstep. the door opens. a beautiful woman silhouetted in the light looks at a torn and bleeding man. the man looks as though he’s seen a ghost. she shouts a name. the man falls.
*cut to title*

i will not bore you with further details. but rest assured this is not how ‘fanaa’ starts. it starts in the worst way possible. and one has to endure a too-old aamir romance an obviously-old kajol for an hour-and-a-half to some average tunes, average shayari, and finally; characters who either overplay their role, or don’t really play a role. plot holes, and character non-development are all hallmarks of this tedious time. end with obvious twist.
then second half. the real idea awaits. reveal. actually make the movie come to life. for all of 16 minutes and 22 seconds.
then destroy with songs, melodrama, more plot holes, and stupid lines. notable absence of shayari.

why mr. kohli ? why destroy a very classy idea ? why waste some decent characters ? why cause perforrmers like aamir and kajol to be so grossly misused ?

in sparse scenes, the director gives us some idea of potential; and possible glimpses of what his screenwriter drew up for him. the finale. aamir and kajol rekindling feelings in the kitchen. the run. the revealing of the “twist”. real effect.

but then he must insert a song every half-hour. the plot must meander when it shouldn’t. characters must act stupid. dialogue must be superfluous. you get the idea.

to be fair, kajol is awesome. aamir is unfortunately miscast in the first half, but more than makes up in the second. glimpses of some vistas, and an above-average background score.
movies with worse talent have been made better.

mr. kohli, however, fucks it all up. superbly. there is no way he could have fucked it up any more. or any better. touching scenes are reduced to groans. romantic scenes are reduced to groans. comedy is reduced to… you guessed it – groans.

during the interminable songs and melodrama, one can see the real idea. and that’s where fanaa really cuts you. you can see it is a 120 minute movie. quick, with cutscenes of the past, NO fucking songs (heard of background scores, mr. kohli ?), a red herring to add to the viewers excitement; and a slamdunk of a knockout punch for the finale.

what could have been. and what is. and its apparently a superhit.

and so kunal kohli will be given the chance to screw up some other idea, and fuck around with more performances.
and so, someone, please, please, please kill kunal kohli.

p.s. Warsha, I sympathise. You saw the movie twice. How ?


5 thoughts on “somebody kill kunal kohli

  1. I didnt expect someone like Kunal Kohli to do this to a good script. I haven’t seen the film yet but I trust the way u put it…something must definitely be wrong with it…I could see shades of fuck-up in Hum Tum but somehow he managed to pull it through…Fanaa, though, was not so lucky. I can only comment better once I see it for myself.

    PS: Saw Jhankaar Beats some days ago. Nice movie. And it taught me ‘Gabbar ke Baap ka naam’. 🙂

  2. tina

    well fanna wsnt a good movie but an average going movie..mebbe coz it ws too “hindi” not insulting but i think thr ws nothng diffrnt abt the movie.. juz tht the casting ws a good one n i guess they out as a bad pair too !!! well acting good ….bt nt xplotied nough ….aamir n kajol got to do sm real amature stuff now…they dnt suit the role of running arnd the bushes n tree singing songs!! well b4 ntrval stil tolerable …aftr intrval too pridctable…!!! well didnt liekt he tracks too … kunal grow up!!!

  3. h.Mahida

    Fanna is nonsense movie from human emotions point of view, technical point of view and reality point of view.

    Aamir’s character in whole movie is either irritating or nonsense. In the first half, lover boy Aamir has less dialogue to deliver than those 3rd grade cheap SMS shayaris. Moreover there is very poor characterization of Aamir as a terrorist. If you compare Aamir’s characterization as a terrorist in Fanna with Manisha’s characterization as a terrorist in Dil Se, you can see the difference in the level of quality. The later, though complicated but was quite convincing.

    Story-wise Fanna can be a good concept but Kunal Kohli needs to go long way to take such a complicated subject, portraying conflicts between human emotions of Love and jehadi idealism. The movie completely fails to portray such conflicting emotions convincingly.

    Technical point of view, the movie is full of flaws. I wonder Kunal Kohli does not even know the basics of Islam. No other word but foolishness can best describe your work Mr. Kohli when you show some jehadi fanatic terrorist drinking alcohol in your movie. I remember one more such scene when army officer tells Tabu that he needs some time to decode Aamir’s location information when they intercept Aamir’s radio broadcast message but when Kajol broadcast SOS message from same device, Tabu identifies location just from radio frequency with no need to decode any information this time moreover she doesn’t even bother to ask Kajol about the location and there are many such scenes in the movie which are complete nonsense.

    People dont even bother to watch the movie once as it is complete waste of time and money.

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