one minute before the hand of the clock moved to its zenith position on december the 31st of two thousand and six, a familiar feeling struck me. deja vu, in a way. try as i might, i couldn’t shake it off. nevertheless, company dictated the plastered smile on my face, the mandatory shaking of hands all round, hugs, and as much joy as i could muster.
i was then witness to one of the most awesome displays of fireworks that i have seen in a long time… whatever i did exhibit, i hid behind a camera. i tried to unsuccessfully capture a moment that was supposedly significant. for some reason, at the end of it all there was a certain hollowness to it all. for some reason, it was lost on me.
somehow, over the last 2 years, the glow, the sheen, the gloss of new year celebrations have faded. i see it for the excuse of a celebration that it has become. a lot of people either get very drunk in celebrating a great year past, or drown their disappointment in a year better forgotten. i’m not sure where i fall, an element of jadedness seems to have penetrated my very core.
i had the joy attached to my oldest sister getting married, and then took a long-deserved break. i suffered a lack of motivation, then a trough of frustration… finally sinking in the sadness of my grandfather finally attaining peace that he long deserved. i indulged myself in many activities that i hadn’t – gaming, movies, music, tv, reading, inactivity. i found my path to the united states rocky, managing a long awaited trip to some part of europe – namely switzerland – a trip that i will be long thankful for in more ways than one. i rediscovered the joy of home, before embarking on the second leg of a journey i have been on for a while : a doctorate degree. america was eye-opening in more ways than one: i found reason, inspiration, companionship and so much more here. challenges that i have lacked for a while made a comeback, as well as an old devil of self-doubt. to be fair, a lot of the cynicism i suffered from has been alleviated since i made my big move to the states: the lack of inactivity has made a marked difference.
one of the few things that brings a smile to my face at the end of it all is how i’ve discovered the true meaning and value of friends and family. i’ve discovered some amazing people in the last year, re-affirmed others, and found relationships where i thought there were none. it is probably the biggest lesson i take away from it all. in addition to the one thats even bigger – ‘shit happens. get used to it.’
not exactly a roller-coaster of a year, pretty much the even keel of the slow rocking of a boat. i can’t exactly leave the year with a frown, or a tear, or a smile. it passed, it was.
2007 has much expectation attached even now, but at the same time i can feel the fact that at the end of it, it too will just have been another year. i will be older at the end of it, maybe wiser, hopefully just as childish, probably still cynical and definitely still looking for the purpose of it all.
welcome, 2007. i think.