spring musings


sitting outside on a sunny spring day, with a crapload of stuff to eventually get done. and doing none of it. this is the life. rahman plays away to glory, there is a reason that he alone occupies pride of hard drive space on my laptop. the cars pace by.. in the absence of a bombay traffic light, this is the best i can do. there is a faint chill in the air, just enough to tell me that summer is not completely here yet. a cup of tea or coffee would complement my life currently to perfection, but the effort involved doesn’t seem worth it.

my google reader cup has overfloweth beyond the brim, over the edge of the table, and way into the hall. with probably close to 3000 items to eventually get through.. i can foresee a lot of reading to do. these are updates that are nearly 45 days old.. time is a commodity that is in scarce availability today. this is in sharp contrast to my life as it stood 2 years ago, a recent perusal of the archives reminded me very bitingly about the way the day was spent. a couch, a laptop, a browser window. possibly things were to be done, i had decided that life needed to stop a while. possibly not the best decision, or the best time in my life, but i get the feeling that that break did more good than bad. it is something i need to do soon, get out of frickin’ jersey… and relax.

interesting ruminations pass through my mind. another noticeable thing about posts a little further back was the sheer “deepness” of the post (even if i say so myself). it seems a statement i made once about the fact that creativity was dying is actually unfortunately coming more true than i would like it to be. there was a deeper meaning to the things i wrote, to the things i was thinking. i used to say that ‘i cannot be any other way’. i’ve changed. drastically. the way, the questions are not so free. i still wonder, but more silently.the deepness is replaced by simplicity. it seems unfair. i feel old.

i try to hold onto my childhood, desperately clinging to something that is being systematically taken away. cynicism is still dominant, but more important is to be able to be happy with the small things. transformers. spider-man. the dark knight (coming may 2008). a psp. holmes. sour worms. sticking your tongue out at someone.

at the other end of the scale lies my ability. it is gratifying to realize that things are actually being learnt by me everyday. i am able to understand, able to do things that were more than a little daunting for me a year, 2 years ago. its nice to realize that the point of doing a phd is valid, that i’m doing something that is challenging enough for me. i may not know where i’m going with this yet, but i know what i can do by the time i finish this. there was a certain lack of faith in my own ability by me, today that doubt is replaced by ‘why not?’. limitations, it appears, are truly functions of the mental state.

photography languishes, a crapload of photos are begging to be looked at, deleted, processed and uploaded. the effort is not pointless, it is something i enjoy.. i just seem more fanatical currently about reaching the current point in time in spider-man’s timeline. i mean, i need get to start on batman. bat-monster, hear i come !

oh, and i remain completely taken by this song. it plays everyday, maybe every 2 hours in the day. enjoy. and i graciously accept your adulation.


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