against popular recommendations, i’ve watched both tashan and the indy movie. the urge is deep to make possible ‘the tashan of indy jones’, but i think i will limit myself to simple lessons from these movies.
- it is possible to survive a nuclear bomb by simply sitting in a lead-lined refrigerator, even if (a) said fridge is in the heart of the nuclear explosion, (b) you walk out of the explosion moments after it happens, just in time for the mushroom cloud and the actual nuclear fallout.
- cars, boats and other sundry vehicles can easily survive falls from cliffs and waterfalls. more interestingly, all passengers have nary a scratch.
- guns being fired by the enemy at heroes have no effect. even if it is at point blank range. the same gun, when fired by the ‘heroes’ will decimate enemies that are not even in range.
- in general, guns lie around wasted, and only visible to heroes. enemies are constantly broad-sided by this tactic.
- swinging on jungle vines, driving half-broken jeeps in the middle of the jungle is simple. in fact, most of the time there is no need to look where you’re going – you’re not going to crash/fall/die.
- jumping in any direction is usually in the range well beyond normal olympic athletes.
- its possible to use a waterski in 2 feet of water, jump it out of the water within 5 feet, do a double flip over a bridge 10 feet high within said jump, and land safely on the other side. similar things can be done with jeeps and trucks.
- women, in general, have beatific smiles on their faces, and/or perfectly fitting clothes at all times. no matter whether you’re in a wedding, in the middle of a gunfight, or going over a waterfall.
- in any sudden unexpected destruction ensuing, no matter what the cause, the heroes never even get touched. all villains in the area, however, come running to their doom.
- supposed revelations about characters are usually made obvious in scene 2 of the movie. however, characters need everything spelled out for them, which usually takes up most of the inane movie. similarly songs are inserted, and irrelevant logic ensues as it is explained.
i must stop. i must write ‘the tashan of indy jones’. you’ve been warned.
i must also admit that indiana jones is something that you love, even when you hate it. and there, somehow, deep deep inside there’s still a little bit of magic. tun-ta-tuntun-tun-ta-tunnnnnn…