causation

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A thought. A word. A twinge. A smile. A shake. He went through them all, sitting outside in the afternoon sun. The sun beat down on him, but not hard. It was the changing seasons that were causing this.

A mild sun, golden-green trees, and a slightly chilled wind. Not uncomfortable. He sipped the coffee, wincing at the boiling hot liquid swirled in his mouth, and shot down his throat. He could actually feel the heat hit his stomach, sending bolts up his arms and down his legs. He didn’t know why he was out here, he was probably better occupied inside, in front of papers and computers. It was a deep sense of frustration that was causing this.

The mind rambles when left well alone especially after being forced into thinking about one problem, over and over and over… he let it wander. It probably deserved a break. That was it. This was a break. A hop, a skip and a jump and he was free of the world, the strappings, the problems waiting for him. The world passed him by; the student on the skateboad zooming to class, the girlfriends giggling over the fact that he looked lost, the frat-boy gang laughing and hitting each other. This was no break. It was the loneliness that was having him be out here. The loneliness that was causing this.

A faint smile came to his lips. He could remember a time when he would sit out in the open and everyone who passed him by greeted him. Then a time when all he wanted to do was never sit in the light again, only in the dark, no-one should ever see him. Now a time when such things did not occur to him, but no-one knew him either. Many things had changed, many things were going back to staying the same as well. Time always went full circle. It was the time that was causing this.

His mind couldn’t care less for the last thought. It was amazing how many trivia, how many inconsequentia had accumulated over the years. Facts he had no use for, and never would. But they were good old friends to have around now. Following them, applying what he knew, seeing a true explanation for what they represented. Each one was more interesting. Each one took lesser time. Would there come a time when he wouldn’t have anymore? Would he have to go back to that problem waiting for him? The one that drove him out here? Was it the problem that was causing this?

He jumped down off the wall, picked up the cup, and strolled back in. The doors closed behind him, and he sprinted downstairs. A last thought:

At the end of it, he had no idea what had caused him to go out there.

He had no idea what had caused it.

Or what it would cause.

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