the highlight of last week month

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Note: Above title is supposed to be “…last week month”, but RSS feeds mess up such formatting.

It’s only been about a month since I last posted, and it became abundantly clear to me that I’m falling back into old habits. For a bit there, it seemed I had gotten over writer’s block. The ideas were flowing, the keys were tapping, and the posts were publishing.

Not for that long apparently.

But then…

I have a gift!

I have a gift!

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mandatory orkut rant

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it has been a while since i went off on a loop about the crappy forwards that people seem to keep want sending on orkut. somehow the method of copy-paste & send message to ‘all’ has some kind of weird attraction for so many people out there. why, indeed, they want to broadcast stupidity.. is a little beyond me.

the latest from orkut:

Because u have read this.. u will get kissed on the nearest possible friday by the LOVE of ur life if u don’t break the chain. tomorrow will be the best day of ur life. However, if u don’t send this to at least 10 people by the stroke of midnight tonight u will be forever cursed in LOVE.

and of course:

Finally,its out…its your ORKUT CRUSH LIST FINDER.Download here and send it to everybody before midnite or something bad will happen to your near ones. [insert probable virus download link]

before, i do start on my raving about the monumental stupidity of the above emails, not to mention the obviously irritating structure and punctuation.. i’m going to take a minute. and offer a prayer that the reproductive systems of these people shut down at such time as appropriate. i could not imagine these genes spreading… and becoming dominant. a worthy nightmare.

i still remember picturing when i read the first email… walking down the street/corridor, and suddenly the person you’ve been secretly admiring for months – never mind the obvious problems such as them being rich, famous, inaccessible, married, way above your league, way below your league – turn up right there in front of you. and kiss you. right there and then. and you, mentally bless the day you forwarded that email to everyone you know. because, obviously, there is no other way you could have got it “made”. my only question, was ‘why friday ?’ sunday is too relaxed ? tuesday is too-middle-of-the-week ?
the thought comes to me that ’10’ seems to have a relation to the possibility of a curse. i wonder why. isn’t ‘6’ something to do with the devil ? and ’13’ unlucky ? somehow, the mutual curses of 10 people (or in my case at least 1), will offset the curse that could potentially befall you ?
email count: over 30.

the ‘crush list finder’.. well, i’ve analysed the various forms of the crush list. i’m just curious about what kind of virus it is. and of course, how many people remembered they’re giving their email account and password to some random software. and what it did. and who the genius was that came up with it. plus of course the meaning of the answer of ’42’.

which i’ll remain wondering about…

gggaaaaaahhh..

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and for the 20th time since yesterday,

man this is creepy its called mind reader. send this to every1 on ur list and then press F8 and ur crushes name will appear on ur screen

somehow people i considered at least somewhere in the region of ‘smart’ seem to think this will work. and the fact that they get the same tripe repeatedly in their inbox means that they should try it every time.
every. single. fucking. time.

i wonder whether they even thought of whether google could really have that transparent a system in orkut. i wonder just how many times these people sat pressing F8 before they realised that their “highly advanced” brain never really evolved beyond picking nits outta their fur and peeling squishing bananas.

just goes to show how desperate people are to know whether their crush really “likes” them. ‘oooh, you think that cute random guy on orkut really loves me for the fake personality i’ve put up on a site ?’ because, y’know, none of us know how to talk to people and figure whether… arrgh, forget it. who’m i kidding ? if someone i “liked” actually did such a tomfool thing, i’d probably hate them from the core from that moment on. and thats just before i decide how to slice ‘n dice them.

no, i have no idea why i have ‘send messages to email’ ticked. maybe because i believe people actually use that to communicate. or maybe because i’m just expecting too much evolution from users of the internet.

lesson learnt.

happy friendship day my foot !

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give me one reason why i would want to spam everyone i know saying ‘happy friendship day’ ?
22 mails and counting thus far.

i do not appreciate the “sentiment”. and i will want to kill you if you send such crap to me. and rethink my friendship. do i really want to degenerate to your level ?

reiterating the thought, you say ? you think that we need a special day to remind each other that we ARE friends ? methinks friends shouldn’t need such reminders. maybe we should remind everyone we know about how we’re related to each other.

oh, wait. we already do that.

my theory of degeneration is steadily gaining credence.

ebay wants to marry me

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yep, that was the subject of the mail they sent me.

i’m not sure if i should say yes. sounds a little off to me. to think its an ad for wedding items sale.

along with a link to a ‘i hate weddings’ group in the footer.

do they just never look at the stuff they generate before sending it out ?

the latest form of #@$^&% spam

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as the heading goes, its the arrival of orkut spam.
insert below message, select ‘all friends’, and click ‘send’.

Hi Friends

GIRLS BEWARE PLEASE..IT IS SERIOUS! HELP URSELF
It has recently been found out that there are some spammers present on
Orkut who download the Photographs of Girls from their Profile and they get 5percent per photograph.
This photographs are later sent into Image Editors like
Photoshop where they are morphed and superimposed on the images of Porn Stars.
These people are so expert in this field that the photographs looks
completely real and anyone can get deceived by generated images.
These photographs are then used for multiple purposes like Printing in
International Magazines, Uploading on paid Porn Sites and sometimes even
blackmailing. And the post consequences are a known fact.
So after knowing about this fact my advice to all my friends and their sisters.
Please remove their photo’s from Orkut and don’t give the culprits a chance to do play around with You.

After all Prevention is better than Cure

AUR BHAI LOG PLZ IS MAIL KO JAHAAN TAK HO SAKE FORWARD KARO

TAKE CARE

first, we had the mail about how orkut was shutting down, and how we had to forward some tripe.. which is magically tracked; and amazingly this server load will convince them to keep the damn thing alive. orkut decided to spell things out, and luckily put paid to that one.

and now, for the great “girl-saviour-mail”.

to all the people who forward this thinking its true and/or they are doing their friends a social service –

YOU ARE NOT.

why ?

spammers.. is incidentally the wrong term for pervert morphers, dummy. you actually believe they’re going to spend lots and lots of time in going to through the millions of profiles there for the miniscule percentage of people who have pictures in their profile. then after this exhauting process, they’re going to find pictures that are actually having faces at angles suitable for morphing. the fact that orkut pics are at crappy resolution will obviously not come to such thickskulled lamebrains.

and the end-result of this laboriously stupid process ? they will make morphed images. morphed images that are “completely real”. morphs are the simplest things in the world to identify. i have found ONE apparently real pic in 7 years of surfing the net. and even that ONE, i knew was a fake, because.. the actress in question could not have posed in that manner. she was dead.

my point ? say my friend’s pic is found in the above process. and morphed. no matter HOW much the pervert tries, they’ll never make it convincing enough to fool me. i know her. and if random people you DON’T know find it.. but fucking deal. no-one collects this crap – except other perverts. and they’re beyond help anyway.

so, now these absolutely useless obviously fake morphs are to be sold to “International Magazines”(which are checking their mail for such breaking news every second – international crises be damned, we have to publish bad pics of unknown people morphed onto fake bodies), “Uploading on paid Porn Sites”(which have suddenly faced a shortage in the biggest industry in any country – ie porn, not to mention the faster growing MMS-clip industry), and “even blackmailing”. yes. i am going to give you money for fake pictures of me that no-one can accept as real if in their right minds anyway. and if they do, i certainly don’t want to know them.

“And the post consequences are a known fact.”
what fucking consequences ? post what ? my losing every grey cell in my head, and becoming a blathering numbnut like you ?
give me a fucking break.

incidentally.. should guys be worried about gay porn as well ? why the discrimination ?

and of course, the killer. advice from the demented senile mind that came up with this hogwash: flee ! flee ! remove your pictures ! your “honour” is at stake ! girls, beware ! there are perverts out there ! i believe the solar system goes around a little tiny rock which i keep in my pants, and my mind went to mush when i was 10 years out and was repeatedly bopped on my head with a cricket bat !

and the final appeal ! “BHAI LOG..blah blah blah“.. i should find a “bhai” to track down this braindead nincompoop and put the world out of his misery. and not just because that sentence is in caps. CAPITAL LETTERS ARE ANNOYING, DIDN’T YOU KNOW ?
jesus h. christ.

the best worst part is that people believe this blather. pictures have vanished from orkut.

is it just me, or do i see a trend of stupidity out there ?
lord save me.

or the demented moron who came up with this. if i ever find him.